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COACH: “What brings you here today?”
CLIENT: “People keep telling me that I think too much… or that I care too much. I don’t know which one it is. Either way, I’d like to figure out a way to stop if I can. They say that if I can figure out a way to be more like them or the people they know, it will make everything better for me. So… here I am. I’m taking their advice.”
COACH: “That is always the first step! Let’s see what I can do for you. I’ll start off with some get-to-know-you questions, to make sure we are headed in the right direction. What is one secret dream you’ve harbored since childhood? The most grandiose dream you can think of? The sky is the limit. Don’t hold back.”
CLIENT: “I’ve always just wanted to live a nice and balanced life. In my earliest memories, I wanted a teeny yellow cottage with light blue fixings and wildflowers, but as I’ve gotten older the vision has expanded and complicated a bit. I’d like to be surrounded by deep conversations and funny stories, nature and peace, a buzzing community engaged with the important things in life and with each other. Oh, and I’d like to make a contribution to that community, to be recognized as helpful and valuable, so that my funeral is not an empty one. Integral yet not all-important: the way a blacksmith or a scribe once was back in the day, if you know what I mean. I know it sounds simple, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere these days, so I think it probably falls under the category you refer to as grandiose.”
COACH: “That does sound nice, as well as difficult to achieve, but it also sounds a bit too… ambiguous. Not individualized enough for me to work with. I am asking what you want. Not what you’d like to be surrounded by. After all, we can only change ourselves, am I right? So if there were no limits, what is it that you yourself would like to achieve? Is it wealth? Is it fame? Is it world domination? Is it status or acclaim?”
CLIENT: “To be honest with you, none of that really appeals to me. Individual achievements feel a bit… hollow. They feel like they come from outside, from marketing, rather than inside. You know? I know that makes me a weirdo, but I don’t have to be normal to turn off, do I?”
COACH: “Alright, fair enough. I see you don’t want to make this easy for me! What about family? I see here that you are in a long-term relationship but do not have kids. Kids help people turn off all the time. Have you thought about trying that?”
CLIENT: “I agree, I can see that turning me off, but without that community I mentioned before, having a family doesn’t seem right for me. I don’t really feel compelled to bring a life into existence surrounded by anything less. And why should I? Just so they can grow up and worry themselves about how they will sacrifice joy and a meaningful life, in order to earn enough money to buy the things that they are told they should want? I would rather just… not. Besides, if that kid is anything like me, they will be dismayed that I brought them into this brutal world as a temporary distraction for myself. In short, family is not the answer.”
COACH: “You are not the first to relay these feelings to me. I understand. So you mention a brutal world. Could it be that you are reading the news too much? That maybe you need to stop paying attention to what is going on around you?”
CLIENT: “I’ve tried that already, a few times. The news doesn’t seem to change my affect. I know it really upsets some people, but I am not one of those people. I’d rather be informed than ignorant or detached. I don’t need to read the news to see what is wrong with the world today. All I need to do is look around. I see the negativity reflected everywhere, in the people I know, in the strangers I meet, regardless of whether I pay attention to the media. At least the stories I read help me understand how we got here and why; they help me see where we’re going next. So, in the end, I do not see them as the source of my problems.”
COACH: “Then let’s zero in on another topic you brought up: distraction. I find it interesting that you referred to the possibility of children that way, as a “distraction.” We live in a world filled with distractions! There must be others that appeal to you! Have you thought about other ways to distract yourself?”
CLIENT: “I have plenty of hobbies, if that’s what you mean. More than most, I would say. In fact, I don’t have as much time and energy to devote to them as I wish. And that fact makes me think more, care more, about how we got here and why. I feel like I spend way too much time thinking about things that do not matter, because they are demands of the system that I was born into. And when I look around me, I see other people doing the same. We are all just out here, pretending that the things that don’t matter are the things we should focus on, and neglecting the things that are actually important, all because the system tells us that this is the case. We cannot ‘survive’ otherwise. Utter bullshit, if you ask me.”
COACH: “It sounds like you need to spend more time in nature.”
CLIENT: “I spend as much time in nature as I can, in moderation with my other activities. But again, the way we live and work doesn’t allow for much of it.”
COACH: “What about a gratitude journal?”
CLIENT: “I am grateful for the things I can be grateful for, I express that gratitude often to the people I love. But I don’t think it should be on the individual to profess endless gratitude in order to make themselves feel better about being a slave to the economy, sorry.”
COACH: “Have you thought about quitting your job then? It looks to me like you can afford it, at least for a little while, and then maybe you can find work that is more meaningful to you.”
CLIENT: “I did that already. I took a break. But the strain of not knowing what would come next made it dissatisfying. It is a burden, not knowing how I might support myself, or whether I will be able to find work again when I need it. I have no trust fund, no fortune. Breaks are a risk in our society afforded to the few, of which I am not exactly a part. And so I cannot afford these unknowns as it stands.”
COACH: “What if you threw everything into achieving financial independence? You could start a business, or learn crypto, or invent something? There are plenty of ways to get rich nowadays!”
CLIENT: “That seems like the fast track to burnout, premature aging, and a complete loss of fulfillment for me. I’d rather not lose my enthusiasm for life in an effort to achieve ‘financial independence.’ How mundane. Besides, I do not have the entrepreneurial spirit. I doubt anything would come of it. You are overestimating my capacity in that regard.”
COACH: “Then what about a career change? You are an intelligent and skilled worker. I bet there is an employer out there that would really benefit from someone like you on their team! A job where you can make use of all your skills! That might make you feel integral, as you said earlier.”
CLIENT: “I thought so too. I tried on most of the hats I thought I might like but found them all to be dissatisfying and unrewarding in their own way. Ultimately, they all suffer from the same problems the rest of society is suffering from. They all feel a bit superficial. The same malaise is everywhere. I turn over new rocks constantly, and under each of them, I find the same rot. Money spoils everything it touches. It turns each and every one of us into a prostitute by a different name. It is why people look down upon them. In the sex worker, we see what we ourselves are at our core. We see what we have been turned into by the system we accepted. Not a popular opinion, I know, but it is my own.”
COACH: “What if you maybe learned how to survive off the land, without society and its trappings? Create a life for yourself outside the system, ‘off the grid’ as they say?”
CLIENT: “Like the Unabomber? I sympathize with his position, but I think I’d go a bit mad. I am not a hermit. I like people. I need community. And even if I have had trouble finding it in modern civilization lately, at least there are shades of it still. At least there are people, and glimmers of life, and I don’t have to be alone.
At the end of the day, I am an extrovert. I don’t want to ditch humans. What makes me sad is what they have turned into. But that doesn’t mean I want to abandon them altogether.”
COACH: “You keep talking about this elusive community, this yearning for a sense of belonging. Have you ever even had a community? Or are you longing for something that does not exist? A sort of grass is greener situation?”
CLIENT: “I am absolutely talking about something that exists. I grew up with a rich community, in fact. And I had one in college as well, in graduate school; I even had one during those early adult years, just after college. It is how I know what they feel like. I have also seen them while travelling, so they are possible. Perhaps they have been in decline since we all cloistered off and receded into our devices, but still, they are not a figment of my imagination. I resent the suggestion that they are. Do you know anything of blue zones?”
COACH: “Well, what happened to them then? What happened to your communities? Why don’t you have one anymore?”
CLIENT: “We dispersed and then we changed, in different ways. For me, it came from excessive travel and losing touch. For others, life and the system were too much to bear. They lost their minds or their consciences. Some died, as they always do. And the rest turned off. They’re the ones who keep telling me that I should learn how to do the same. They say that only young people are supposed to talk the way I do. That, at my age, I’m too radical for my own good.
But I don’t think it’s radical to believe that we deserve better than what we have. I don’t think it’s radical to state that, by distracting ourselves, we are allowing the system to inflict pain and brokenness on future generations.
I am no utopian. I do not think there is one solution. But I do know that breaking myself to fit into a broken system is not a way of making anything better.
Accepting the system as it is will not make me feel fulfilled as a human, nor does this acceptance make anyone I know a better or more fulfilled person. It helps them find stasis perhaps, but not nirvana. I’ve never envied the lives of those who fall in line, as we are supposed to do. I don’t see success or sublimation as living. Their lives make me sad actually. I don’t want a sad life.”
COACH: “Maybe you just haven’t been focusing enough on yourself. Let’s move on from this notion of community for a moment, shall we? Let’s talk about you. Have you been exercising?”
CLIENT: “Yes, in moderation. I’m quite active as well, even if I am not going to the gym. I like to keep fit.”
COACH: “What about diet?”
CLIENT: “Again, I follow an everything in moderation diet plan. Nothing too regimented. I listen to my body.”
COACH: “Have you tried going vegan? Or cutting out carbs? People have great success in turning themselves off by focusing on diet and nutrition. It can be all-consuming. Maybe you’ll find meaning in that as well?”
CLIENT: “I don’t think that’s for me. I don’t like to spend too much time thinking about food. I think that’s how people end up with eating disorders. I know this is not the popular opinion of the moment, but I have never felt inclined to fall for group think.”
COACH: “You are an independent thinker then, aren’t you? Let’s try to think up some ways to get you to stop thinking then. What about meditation? Yoga? Therapy?”
CLIENT: “I’ve tried all of them, and they have helped me through some hard times, but they don’t change who I am at my core. Sometimes, they make me think even more about the things that prevent me and others from leading nice lives, and how those things are oftentimes external and unnecessary.”
COACH: “It sounds like you are living a joyless life. You need to find joy. Stop analyzing so much!”
CLIENT: “But that’s the thing, I do know what brings me joy. I find joy often, even in the process of analysis. And not only that, I know what would make me more joyful. And I believe it would make other people more joyful as well.
What consumes me are the things that take away joy – and how unnecessary they are. We sacrifice in service of material gains that do not bring us bliss; we chase dreams that yield little reward; we adopt goals and stances that pull us apart; we think we want comforts but all they do is help us check out and hurt others.
And perhaps I could ignore these joyless matters if I could reject them altogether, but I cannot. They are everywhere, all around me, in the people I love most. They are there, in every job I have ever needed to work. They are inescapable.
And so I feel unable to live a life in congruence with my joy, as you call it, because everyone else has turned off. Do you see what I am trying to say?”
COACH: “Have you thought about travelling the world? Maybe finding somewhere that people are less turned off?”
CLIENT: “I’ve done that. I’ve done quite a lot of it, in fact. I’m surprised you don’t see that in my records. When I was younger, I thought I’d do just as you said – that I would be able to find what I am looking for elsewhere, in another community, and plant roots there. But everywhere I go, I am alien – an outsider, an invader. I am not a part of any tribe or community, and I never will be.
And besides, even if I did leave and make the best of being an outsider, the younger people there, they are turning off too. This is a phenomenon that is spreading. I have only seen it get worse in my lifetime, and I am not even that old yet. I will not hold out hope for what is unlikely.”
COACH: “Okay maybe not travelling, but what about a travelling circus? Or a touring band? You get both things you like! Community and novelty!”
CLIENT: “A travelling circus? Are you kidding me? What year is it, 1924? My god! I thought you were supposed to be better at this…”
COACH: “I’m sorry, you’re a difficult case. I’m trying my best. I think I’ll need to start looking in some of the darker places, so please, bear with me. And if we need to stop, let me know.”
CLIENT: “Oh, god. Here we go…”
COACH: “Have you tried filling yourself with hate for another group? Or joining a social movement? Or politically mobilizing? People like you really seem to take to these things. What are your thoughts? And please, don’t feel the need to be politically correct. This conversation will be confidential.”
CLIENT: “No, no and no. I’m not a hateful person. I cannot fault anyone for who they are. Even the despicable people. I can usually see why they are the way they are. At most, I end up hating the circumstances that created them. Social movements and political mobilizing are usually just vehicles for hate in my opinion, even the good ones. There is always a kernel of hate somewhere in there that makes me want to distance myself.”
COACH: “That is very meta of you.”
CLIENT: “Yeah, I’ve heard.”
COACH: “Maybe there are too many toxic people in your life, warping your view? Is there anyone you can cut off? That seems to offer some people relief. Friends, family, a partner? Cut yourself loose to do some self-discovery?”
CLIENT: “I promise you, that is not it. I know lots of people, all different sorts. And if I feel frustrated with them, it’s because they are too distracted or tired to withstand the bad incentives. They perpetuate the system because they can’t imagine something else. That doesn’t give me the desire to ex-communicate them. I just feel bad for them, and myself, because they all turned off and I have not. We are too ready to cut people off these days, if you ask me.”
COACH: “What about joining a cult? Or creating one? Perhaps a commune? Any taste for conspiracy theories? Those are people who have not turned off. They are very much turned on.”
CLIENT: “Turned onto things that are a bit out there for me, honestly. I don’t like group think, I already told you that. I feel like we’re going in circles here.”
COACH: “I don’t usually recommend this, but have you thought about drugs? About getting addicted to them? Not, like, one of the bad ones. Just one of the mild types that you can look forward to at the end of a hard workday, so you don’t have to think so much. Wine or weed, maybe sleeping pills. A bit of Valium. Microdosing on mushrooms. Tons of functioning members of society use those substances to turn off! Why not you, too?”
CLIENT: “I did that for a while there, and it did turn me off. A little too much though. Everything else lost meaning. It made me depressed, and I stopped exercising so much. So I came back around to sobriety. It suits me.”
COACH: “Are you depressed now?”
CLIENT: “No.”
COACH: “Are you sure?”
CLIENT: “Yes.”
COACH: “What about anxious?”
CLIENT: “No.”
COACH: “Social anxiety perhaps? Generalized anxiety? OCD? Maybe you need some prescription medications. We can send you to a psychiatrist. We have the authority to make that referral. You won’t even need to pay for the first visit.”
CLIENT: “No, I’m not anxious. I know people with anxiety. Nor am I depressed. I am quite content with myself. What I am is frustrated: frustrated with the world and its stuck-ness; frustrated that everyone is just going along with everything, even though it sucks; frustrated that I can only find my place if I agree to break myself.
People are closed off to all the possibilities of existence! They are so ready to relent and obey! They turn off, and it is makes everything worse! It calcifies the world over. And the only solution anyone can give me is to turn off myself! But why? What is the point of living if I have to turn off?
Humans have been around for such a long time. We don’t know everything about our history, but something tells me that prehistoric man did not just turn off and die as we do. Hell, I don’t even think medieval serfs had to devote so much time to bullshit! They worked fewer hours and went on monthslong pilgrimages! That is better than the lower class gets now!
This ‘off’ button seems to be a modern affliction, which means we can make it stop. We just need to find the will. Then maybe people will stop killing themselves in droves. I mean, even children are doing it, for god’s sake! Something is really wrong here!”
COACH: “Are you trying to tell me that you are suicidal? Is that how you would like to turn off? We can submit an application for assisted suicide, if that is the case.”
CLIENT: “DEAR GOD, NO! I want to live! I like living! What I dislike is the way existence is shaped right now, because I see how it is making us all fucking miserable. People are dead while living! Why is this so difficult to understand? Why are people so eager to just turn off and distract themselves? For the love of god, you are annoying! I cannot believe people pay for this service! You are useless.”
COACH: “I’m sorry, I cannot help you.”
CLIENT: “What? I thought this was supposed to have, like, a 100% effectiveness rate?”
COACH: “Nope. Our service can only turn people off in 99.3% of cases. You happen to be among the 0.7% of people who cannot be turned off without pharmaceutical intervention, which you have already refused. So again, I’m sorry, but I cannot help you. How would you like to proceed?”
CLIENT: “Well, how can I proceed?”
COACH: “I think the only thing you can do is try to turn a few people back on.”
CLIENT: “I’ve been trying, but you turn them off so well, it’s almost impossible to reach them!”
COACH: “This, we know. But there is still hope. You must remain hopeful. There are some edge cases you might be able to convert.”
CLIENT: “Well, can you at least give me their names? And maybe the names of some other people who cannot be turned off? Some people I might know already, maybe?”
COACH: “Sorry, that information is strictly confidential. Coach-Client privilege, being what it is.”
CLIENT: “What if I give you permission to give them my name? If they are anything like me, they will reach out, and then at least we would have each other.”
COACH: “Oh no, sorry, I can’t do that either.”
CLIENT: “Well, why not?”
COACH: “Because if too many of you find each other, you might start turning other people back on again. It’s too dangerous to the system. It might not survive. We need to keep you all separated if we can.”
CLIENT: “So you want people like me to be miserable?”
COACH: “No, we want you to turn off like everyone else. You might not be happier that way, but you will be less frustrated. As a hedonist, or a joiner, or a head of household, or a conspiracy theorist, or a cultist. You aren’t ready yet, but maybe one day you will be. Maybe one day you will give up. That is our hope.”
CLIENT: “And otherwise?”
COACH: “And otherwise, you’ll probably just go on being a tormented artist. There are always a few like you in every generation. Nothing we can do about it. You’ll just go on this way until you die. But don’t give up hope! If your work is good enough, you might just turn a few more people back on. Then maybe, you’ll find that community you speak of. I wish you luck.”
If you or someone you know cannot be turned off, please email threepennymullin@gmail.com for camaraderie. Eternally seeking like others.
I’m here to spread ideas and inspiration, not to take your money. I earn an income elsewhere. Sharing this Substack helps get the word out. If you like what you read, consider passing it along. And if you have any suggestions or requests, message me anytime.
~ Penny